Discouragement: Are You Talking Yourself Out of Your Own Potential?

Leadership From the Field, Patrick B. Samuels

Have you ever found yourself in a season of life where you're doing more things right than wrong, but for some reason, all you can seem to focus on are the things you're not doing well?

I've seen this happen countless times over my 11 years in the insurance business. I've watched people with tremendous ability, great intentions, and opportunities right in front of them begin questioning whether they're capable of succeeding.

And I've had to challenge my own thinking along the way.

One of the things I've learned about leadership is that sometimes the greatest obstacle standing between us and what we're capable of accomplishing isn't the opportunity, the circumstances, or even the people around us. It's the conversations we're having with ourselves.

I call it the devil's hammer.

It's that constant pounding of negative thoughts that slowly chips away at our confidence, our belief, and eventually our willingness to keep moving forward.

That's what makes discouragement so dangerous.

Discouragement is the loss of confidence, enthusiasm, or hope, especially when things aren't going the way we expected. But I believe it can become something much more destructive when we allow it to influence how we see ourselves.

As a man of faith, I believe the enemy understands this. If he can get us to question our abilities, our purpose, and what God has placed inside us, he can begin pulling us away from the very things we were created to accomplish.

And sometimes it happens so gradually that we don't even recognize it.

Think about an agent in the insurance field.

They can spend an entire day meeting business owners, making presentations, developing relationships, improving their communication skills, and learning how to become better at their profession.

But if they don't protect a family that day, what happens?

They go home frustrated, disappointed, and sometimes convinced that they accomplished absolutely nothing.

I've watched it happen.

And here's what I find interesting.

That same person may have done ten things right throughout the day, but the one thing that didn't go their way becomes the only thing they remember.

Why do we do that?

Why are we so quick to recognize everything we've done wrong, yet so slow to acknowledge what we've done right?

Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting that results don't matter or that we should lower our expectations. I believe in accountability, hard work, and holding ourselves to a high standard.

But somewhere along the way, we have to learn that there's a difference between evaluating your performance and attacking your identity.

Think about that for a moment.

Evaluating your performance sounds like, "I didn't get the results I wanted today. What can I learn? What could I have done differently? What do I need to improve?"

Attacking your identity sounds like, "I'm terrible at this. I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this."

Do you see the difference?

One conversation gives you something to work on.

The other gives you a reason to give up.

And I've come to believe that far too many people are talking themselves out of their own potential because they've confused a disappointing result with who they are as a person.

You can have a disappointing day without being a disappointment. You can make a mistake without becoming a failure. And you can still be learning something without being bad at it.

If you're only looking for what's wrong, eventually that's all you'll see.

That's why I believe discouragement can become the Achilles' heel of even the most promising opportunity. Not because the opportunity disappeared or the person lacked the ability, but because somewhere along the way, they stopped believing they were capable of pursuing it.

And once you begin believing those negative conversations, it's easy to find yourself in what I call the pool of discouragement.

The Pool of Discouragement

Let me ask you something.

When was the last time you found yourself discouraged?

Maybe your business wasn't growing as quickly as you wanted. Maybe you were working hard but weren't seeing the results. Maybe someone said something that caused you to question yourself.

Or maybe you were simply exhausted from trying to make everything work.

What did you do next?

Did you begin looking for the things you could control to get yourself out of that situation?

Or did you find yourself swimming in your own pool of misery?

Your own pool of self-doubt?

Your own pool of believing you weren't enough?

I think we've all been there at some point.

The problem is that the longer we stay in that pool, the more comfortable it can become.

We start making excuses for why things aren't working. We replay the same conversations. We focus on what other people are doing. We begin convincing ourselves that our circumstances are somehow different from everyone else's.

Before long, discouragement becomes part of how we see ourselves.

And that's a dangerous place to live.

The Power of Changing the Conversation

Here's something I want you to think about.

The same mind that can convince you to give up can also help you find the courage to keep going.

The difference often comes down to what you're telling yourself.

When you're discouraged, it's easy to say:

"I'm not good at this."

But what if you asked, "What do I need to get better at?"

Instead of saying, "Nothing is working," what if you stopped and identified what actually is working?

Instead of saying, "I'm never going to accomplish this," what if you asked, "What's one thing I can do today that moves me closer?"

I'm not talking about pretending everything is wonderful when it isn't. I'm talking about being intentional with your thinking.

There's a difference between acknowledging that something is difficult and convincing yourself that something is impossible.

The way you speak to yourself in the middle of discouragement can determine whether you stay there or begin finding your way out.

Six Questions Worth Asking Yourself

I've recently been reading Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall in Love with the Process of Becoming Greatby Joshua Medcalf, and one of the chapters really got me thinking about discouragement.

In the chapter titled "Evil's Best Weapon," Medcalf discusses how discouragement can become one of the greatest obstacles to our growth.

As I was reading, I couldn't help but think about how often I've seen this play out over my years in the insurance business, not only with agents I've worked alongside, but in my own life.

It reminded me that sometimes the biggest challenge isn't the circumstances we're facing. It's what we're allowing those circumstances to convince us about ourselves.

That led me to reflect on six questions about the influences we allow into our lives.

1. What Are You Watching?

Think about what you're consistently putting in front of your eyes.

Are you watching things that encourage you to grow, or are you constantly comparing your life to what someone else is posting?

It's easy to become discouraged when you're comparing your everyday life to someone else's best moments.

2. What Are You Reading?

What are you feeding your mind?

Are you reading things that challenge you to grow in your faith, leadership, relationships, and business?

Sometimes one chapter in a book or a passage of Scripture can change the way you look at a problem you've been carrying for weeks.

3. What Are You Listening To?

What messages are you allowing to influence your thinking?

It might be music, podcasts, conversations, or even the thoughts you repeat throughout the day.

Pay attention to what you're listening to because those messages can shape the way you approach your circumstances.

4. Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With?

There's a saying often attributed to Jim Rohn that I've always appreciated:

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

Think about that for a moment.

Who are those five people in your life?

Are they encouraging you to grow? Are they challenging you to become a better person, a better leader, a better spouse, or a better parent?

Or are they constantly reinforcing the same negative thoughts, excuses, and limitations that you're trying to overcome?

Over the years, I've learned that the people we surround ourselves with have a tremendous influence on our attitudes, our expectations, and ultimately the decisions we make.

If you're constantly around people who complain about their circumstances but never take responsibility for changing them, don't be surprised when you begin thinking the same way.

On the other hand, when you surround yourself with people who have a positive attitude, hold themselves accountable, and genuinely want to see others succeed, something begins to change.

You start seeing opportunities where you once saw obstacles. You begin asking better questions. You start believing that growth is possible.

And here's something else I want you to consider.

While you're evaluating the five people closest to you, remember that you're also one of the five people influencing someone else's life.

What kind of influence are you having on them?

Are you encouraging them or contributing to their discouragement?

Are you helping them grow or giving them another reason to doubt themselves?

Leadership isn't just about choosing the right people to surround yourself with. It's also about becoming the kind of person who makes others better.

The people you spend time with matter. But so does the person you're becoming in their presence.

5. Who Are You Allowing to Speak Into Your Life?

Who has influence over your life?

Who do you allow to speak into your decisions, your confidence, and your future?

Not everyone who has an opinion about your life should have authority over it.

Find people who care enough about you to tell you the truth, encourage your growth, and challenge you when necessary.

6. What Have You Visualized for Yourself?

What do you actually see for your future?

Have you taken time to think about the person you want to become?

The family you want to lead?

The business you want to build?

The people you want to impact?

Sometimes we become so consumed with what isn't happening today that we lose sight of what we're working toward tomorrow.

Take time to revisit your vision.

And then ask yourself whether your daily decisions are moving you closer to it.

A Personal Reflection

I want you to think about these questions for a moment.

Because sometimes we're asking God to change our circumstances while continuing to surround ourselves with the very things that are contributing to our discouragement.

And maybe part of the growth we're praying for begins with changing what we're allowing to influence us.

We spend so much time trying to change our circumstances, yet sometimes we overlook the very things we're allowing to shape our thinking.

You cannot always control what happens around you, but you can become more intentional about what you allow to influence you.

Humility, Grace, and a Positive Attitude

There's a quote I've always appreciated:

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less."

I think there's tremendous wisdom in that statement.

Sometimes discouragement becomes so powerful because everything in our minds revolves around ourselves.

What people think about us. Whether we're succeeding. Whether we're being recognized. Whether we're accomplishing things as quickly as we expected.

But what happens when we take our eyes off ourselves for a moment?

What happens when we focus on serving someone else?

What happens when we stop worrying about whether we're going to succeed and start concentrating on doing the things that lead to success?

In the insurance field, I've learned that some of my best days come when I stop thinking about what I need and start thinking about the person sitting across from me.

How can I help this family?

How can I serve this business owner?

How can I encourage this agent?

How can I make a difference today?

That's where humility comes in.

Grace is important too.

You have to give yourself room to grow. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to have difficult days. You're going to fall short of expectations sometimes.

That doesn't mean you stop holding yourself accountable. It means you recognize that growth is a process.

And somewhere in the middle of humility, grace, and a positive attitude is the power of your YES!

Yes, I'm willing to learn.

Yes, I'm willing to try again.

Yes, I'm willing to accept correction.

Yes, I'm willing to change my thinking.

Yes, I'm willing to keep moving forward.

Sometimes that's where the next chapter begins.

What Discouragement Has Taught Me About Leadership

At Samuels Insurance Group, we build our organization around four core values:

SERVICE | INTEGRITY | GROWTH | LEADERSHIP

I believe those values also give us a practical way to respond when discouragement shows up.

SERVICE:Get your attention off yourself and look for someone you can help. Sometimes serving another person gives you a renewed sense of purpose.

INTEGRITY:Be honest about where you are. Don't make excuses, but don't tear yourself down either. Recognize what needs improvement and take responsibility for it.

GROWTH:Understand that difficult seasons can teach you something. Look for the lesson, develop the skill, and keep working.

LEADERSHIP:Learn to lead yourself before expecting to lead anyone else. That includes taking ownership of your attitude, your actions, and the conversations you're having in your own mind.

After 11 years in the insurance business, I can tell you that discouragement doesn't disappear just because someone becomes successful or moves into leadership.

Leaders still experience disappointment. We still question decisions. We still have days when things don't go the way we planned.

The responsibility is learning how to respond without allowing those moments to determine our future.

What's on the Other Side of Your Yes?

I want to leave you with one final question.

What have you been talking yourself out of because you've allowed discouragement to become louder than your belief?

Maybe it's a goal you haven't accomplished. Maybe it's a conversation you've been avoiding. Maybe it's a career opportunity, a leadership responsibility, or something you believe God has placed on your heart.

Whatever it is, I want to encourage you to examine the conversations you're having with yourself.

Take inventory of what you're watching, reading, and listening to. Look at the people surrounding you. Remember the vision you once had.

And start catching yourself doing things right.

You don't have to have everything figured out today. You don't have to pretend the challenges aren't real.

But you do have to decide whether you're going to continue swimming in discouragement or begin taking the steps necessary to move forward.

For me, that starts with faith, humility, grace, and a willingness to keep saying yes to the things God has called me to do.

Don't let discouragement talk you out of the person you're capable of becoming.

Sometimes the greatest change in your life begins when you change the conversation you're having with yourself.

Patrick B. Samuels

Samuels Insurance Group

Protect Families. Develop Leaders. Build Legacies.

SERVICE | INTEGRITY | GROWTH | LEADERSHIP